Wow can’t really believe i haven’t updated since August. Not really sure what’s happened with my weight loss/fitness journey since then but i almost feel like i’ve lost my way...
If anyone ever tells you being thin or a certain dress size will make you happy then they are lying. However you felt about your body and the insecurities you had before your weight loss will be the same no matter how your outward appearance changes. When you have finally lost the weight what do you do next? Where do you get your buzz from? When the gym is just to maintain and no longer about that 2lbs loss at the end of the week what do you do next.
I’ve gained 7lbs. Whilst this is a fairly small amount to most people to me this has almost had a devastating effect on me. I am still going to the gym and i am still counting calories yet somehow weight has creeped on. I know my downfall is that when i feel low food is a comfort and maybe even a way of punishment to my body. That’s right, exercise makes me feel good yet i ruined it with that king size chocolate bar on a weekend, you then get that voice in your head telling you you’ve failed, and that you knew you could never do it and keep the weight off cos your FAT FAT FAT and that’s when you give up on your diet and eat crap.
I know this and when i have my rational head on i can do it and be positive and work out however once that voice starts inside you and tells you all these nasty mean things the more it speaks the harder it is to make it shut up.
What is the answer? Do i want to count calories and worry about my weight for the rest of my life? No. Yet i seem to have lost that balance i had before.
To anyone out there struggling with weight, and acceptance you are not alone. Tall, short, fat, thin, wide, slender we all have parts we don’t like and when we change them we will always find another “flaw”.
What did i gain when i lost the weight? I have more confidence in some ways, but partly that could be my age and getting wiser. I gained fitness and a love for the gym and cooking and new food. What did i lose? I think i lost a part of myself along the way. I definitely lost friends; i don’t really see anyone i used too. Common interests of getting pissed and eating out have changed.. Maybe i got boring with my talk of healthy eating and working out.
Do i regret it? No. On a good day i am so proud of what i have achieved. On a bad day that voice sometimes wins however good days outweigh the bad and hopefully my positive voice will be triumphant once more...
I am going to try and focus on the good I’ve done and not the bad.. like wow you ate 3 healthy meals and worked out today and not the you’ve eaten chocolate today you’re a failure. It’s gonna be hard work but this negative cloud i’ve got hanging over me has to go...
This is the last negative day i am going to allow myself this year. I will focus on the good. I will eat well and i will workout and day by day i will let that worry go.
One good thing this week i was told this blog had been inspiring by a friend of a friend who had read it. Made my year <3